The
train that arrives is either 28 minutes late or seven minutes early and
Graeme is fairly sure which of those two it is most likely to be, even
though the poster on the waiting room wall is telling him that 97.3
percent of all trains have arrived at or in advance of their ETA over
the past month.
Such bullshit.
He
takes a seat at the back of the carriage, unconsciously always giving
himself easy access to an escape route, and immediately plugs in his
earphones, starts listening to a mix he’s downloaded, one of the guys
who works in the Shepherd’s Bush branch who has a micro label he’s
running of what he’s called Post-Intelligent Dance Music, which lead
Chris, the Metalhead, to say one night in the Pub, so you mean Stupid
Dance Music? There’s already plenty of that around mate. You going to be
re-releasing Two Unlimited’s back catalogue? To which Stan, face
flushed, said Post doesn’t mean Anti or Non does it? It doesn’t mean the
Opposite of, it means After, to which Chris said, what’s after
Intelligent then? and Stan who basically went to Goldsmiths, came out
with some long, complicated justification for the term and everyone got
bored and started joining in the piss-taking saying stuff like, your
missus is post-attractive and that band are well post-good, geezaaahhh
and this beer is post-tasty and Chris’s mate Noggin started doing his
famous spot-on Tick ‘n’ Tock comedy 80s robotic dancing by the pool
table and going “this beat is Technotronic!” to general hilarity. Only
Graeme didn’t join in, saying yeah mate you do your own thing, you do
your own thing. He tries to be supportive of Stan, more maybe because
he’s been on the receiving end of the piss-taking too than anything else.
The mix was of a genre that Stan was calling Weird Big Beat.
It
is a long mix that doesn’t seem to be either weird or Big Beat and has
what he thinks is actually a Tim Hardin track stuck in the middle for
some reason that Graeme can’t quite figure out, but is probably a smart
part of Stan's overall concept that he just doesn’t get, and he is still
half listening to it, staring out of the window, his mind drifting when
Joolzy gets on at Dartford and comes striding up the aisle toward
him. Graeme pulls his earphones out to greet him.
“Badman!”
Joolzy says and slaps his outstretched hand, sits down in the seat
across the aisle. hears the mix, super tinny at that tiny volume, leaking
from the earphones, pulls a face.
”That that Stan’s Weird Big Beat
Mix, blud?”
“Yeah,” Graeme says, “ it’s...”
Joolzy
sucks between his teeth and lifts his left eyebrow.
"Weird Big Beat? The
FUCK is Weird Big Beat bruv? That is officially, officially, get me,
the Least Weird Music. Ever. You might as well try and sell me, I dunno.
Tranquil Gaba! Fucking. Downtempo Happy Hardcore! That. Is. Some.
Bullshit that mix, bruv."
Verdict delivered, Joolzy settles back in his seat.
Grame’s
spirits lift. He likes Joolzy, a regular from the record shop days and
he’s glad he’s up for coming down to Margate. He’s a good laugh, even
though, even though he’s had some hard times, Joolzy. He can tell you
some stories. More importantly he isn’t on his own any more. Joolzy would
have your back, if things got bad. Travelling alone these days he is
anxious all the time. Never used to be like that even five years ago,
even two years ago. He tells Joolzy about the confrontation in the Post
Office the previous day as Joolzy shakes his head and whistles between
his teeth.
“No
respect, man. No respect. First up against the wall these pussyoles,
man. Man say that to me he’d be brown bread bruv, get me?”
Graeme
nods, yeah, yeah, Joolzy can look after himself all right, but they both
know the truth. If anybody is going up against a wall in the near-to-mid
term, chances are it’s them.
For
half an hour or so they settle back into their own worlds, half
private, half public, their interfaced bubble, fiddling with their
phones. checking streams and feeds, messages, making sporadic
conversation around clicks and scrolls, screen taps, downloads, games,
showing each other photos.
Graeme
gets a message from Nick Skilling aka DJ Skillz. Hi. Cheers.I can't get
out of work early today, you’ll have to swing by my office. Cheers.
Nick. and a link to Google maps. As he’s checking it out another message
arrives. Just ask for Nick at reception.
Good, good. I love it when a plan comes together! Everything gonna be all right this morning!
At
Ashford International a harassed looking couple in business suits get
on and are angrily saying excuse me, excuse me, honestly, before Graeme
has even had a chance to swivel back into his seat from showing Joolzy a
particularly mentalist clip from the legendary Glasgow Gaba night
Plywood back in 95, saying, looks tranquil to me and Joolzy laughing
saying, that must be the chillout room bruv. The women muttering
something under her breath, could be racial, hard to hear, plausibly
deniable, the man behind striding past with what could be interpreted as
an aloof, a supercilious, a disapproving air.
“Maybe
you two need to chill out a bit. You look like you’re a bit stressed
out.” Joolzy shouts over to them as they put their bags and briefcases
up in the luggage rack and separate out the all-important laptops, the
woman furiously brushing crumbs off the surface of the table they are
about to sit at.
“I said you two look a bit stressed out.”
The woman bites first. “Yes well. We have been working, actually. Do you know what that is?”
Joolzy
produces a can of Stella from his bag and cracks it. "Only fools and
horses work, from what I have heard.” He raises it in a mock salute.
“Looking at you love, I am not sure which one you are.” He slurps foam
from the rim of the can ostentatiously.
“Well,
" she says. She looks to be mid-Thirties and has a mass of damp curly
auburn hair. "I am certain that you’re a fool. A non-working fool.”
“I am hung like a horse, though.”
Graeme laughs. Cheeky.
The
man in the suit, still rummaging irritably in his travel bag, swivels
on his heels. “OK,” he says “that’s enough of that.” He points at the
pair of them. “You two need to behave yourselves. You shouldn’t be
drinking on public transport.”
Immediately
Joolzy stands up and Graeme feels his delight curdle. Joolzy
isn’t especially big, five ten, but he seems bigger. Confidence does
that. The sense that you have a right to occupy the space around you,
the sense that you can expand into it. That sense that Graeme, always
shrinking further and further away inside himself, has never really
understood.
“I am not one of your employees, bruv. Do you get me? You might tell them what to do, you don’t start giving me orders.”
“Well
you never will be one of my employees, will you? Or anybody’s,” Suitman
says, and his jaw's tight, his eyes have got a shine to them and Graeme
knows, yeah, that’s how it is, you are one step away, one step, one
wrong turn, one wrong word from disaster these days.
Joolzy steps out into the aisle and leans confidentially forward,
pouting, brow furrowed looking Suitman up and down. “The trains going to
pull out of this station in 30 seconds. The next station’s fifteen
minutes away. Do you want to be stuck. On this train. With me. For
fifteen minutes. Cause you’re” he leans in even further, drops his voice
to a near whisper “all alone, bruv.”
“Well
the police will be waiting for you at that station.” Suitman’s voice
stays professionally clipped but is thick with rage. He raises his
Blackberry. “Shall I phone them now?”
“Phone
them, make the call. That gives me 15 long minutes. To fuck you up.”
The train has pulled out now with a clank and a soft, accelerating
surge. “I don’t think I’m going to need that long.”
The
woman, who has been busy opening and powering up her laptop says “Oh
you two stop waving your dicks around, this is adolescent.”
“You giving orders too now, is it ?”
“Yes, that’s right “she says, “because someone has to. Someone in this country has to. Are you going to “fuck me up” too?”
Joolzy
sticks out his bottom lip and raises his eyebrows. “ Why not? You might
as well be hanged for a...... horseface as a ....pussyclaat!”’ Then, he
can't help it, he half laughs at his own ingenuity. Where did that come
from?
“Whatever, whatever.” He waves his fingers in Suitman’s face. Begone.
Suitman
sits down, shaking his head. Joolzy screwfaces the woman for a few
seconds then blows air out between his lips and shrugs.
“Pussyclat!” he announces to the virtually empty carriage.
Graeme’s
relieved. Good, it has calmed down. He doesn’t want any run-ins with the
police. From what he’s heard prison is even worse than Giveback, or as
Hooky, the one friend he made on his Nursing course liked to say,
Giveback by other means. It is easier and easier to get locked up these
days mostly for resisting arrest when the police have “warranted
suspicion”. Whatever that means. Total policing, tough sentencing, hard
labour. He imagines he is only ever one step away from some
infringement or infraction that will see him up in court. Prison, that’s
the nightmare.
“You’ve been inside right Joolzy.”
Joolzy is sitting back down now, sipping at the can. He nods. “Twice bruv.”
“How was it?”
“I
am not going to lie to you. Rough. But you know, prison now is not what
it was, it’s a work camp. You’re on a twelve, fourteen hour shift, 20
minute breaks for meals, then ten hours locked down. No TV. No weed. No
visits, no phone. Zero.”
“What
were you in for?” Graeme knows but somehow it is comforting to hear it
again, to imagine that it came about through some set of circumstances
that could never apply to him, or that now, more clued up about it, he
could somehow sidestep.
“Both
times mate they fitted me up for civil disorder. That is a heavy charge
these days. I am lucky I went away when I did. I know people getting
ten years, ten, for that these days. First time was when they had the
riots up in Croydon, they just took in anyone and everyone. Fitted them
up. Second time I got two years for holding an illegal party out on the
Isle of Dogs. Two years.” He shakes his head. “But you know what, if I
need to go back again, I will. If that’s how it’s going to go down, fuck
it.”
“Fuck
it!” he announces to the train, then keeps going, his voice loud, aiming
his words at the couple three seats down, heads buried in their laptop
screens. “Lot of people in this country got nothing to live for. Lot of
people in this country thinking more and more everyday, fuck it. Lot of
the youth getting very restless, man. Very restless. What am I supposed
to be telling them, you know, in my role as mentor to the troubled youth
of London? Keep your nose clean, work hard? For what? It’s a piss-take.”
“It’s a piss-take,” he says again more quietly, and put his knees up on the seat in front. Vexed.
Fucking piss-take. This country.
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